Chapter 1: The Age We Claim

My mother has a habit of altering her age, and it appears she isn't the only one in our family with this tendency. During a recent visit, my grandmother cheerfully declared, "I'm 90 today!" to which my mother responded, glancing at her sister in disbelief, suspecting the onset of dementia. Apparently, Nana is five years younger than Grandad, or at least that was the family consensus.

"Not quite yet, Mum," my aunt comforted her. After a significant stroke some years ago, Nana's personality underwent a transformation, losing the sweet, demure nature of a 1950s housewife.

"Just check my birth certificate!" she insisted, her tone sharper than usual.

My mother seemed skeptical, but they retrieved the document from their files, confirming Nana's claim. She was indeed turning 90 and had been concealing her true age throughout their lives.

Is it shame or something more complex? Initially, I found it odd that women would pretend to be younger, viewing it as an embarrassment about aging. There’s a longstanding belief that women should be discreet about their age—"It’s impolite to ask a woman how old she is," and similar notions.

I’ve never felt embarrassed. Each year I celebrate my existence is a gift. To me, hiding one’s age only perpetuates the notion that older individuals, particularly women, hold less value, which I refuse to endorse. People of all ages deserve equal respect—this principle has always been clear to me. I admire my mentors for their life experiences and wisdom, a sentiment that has not changed.

Yet, I now ponder whether my mother and grandmother perceive it differently or if they possess a deeper understanding. Perhaps their approach stems not from shame but from a strategic mindset.

Chapter 2: A Family Tradition of Timelessness

My mother seems to freeze in time at the age of 38 (though she is actually 70—let’s keep that under wraps). After turning 38, she ceased counting her age, or perhaps she simply decided not to. "Happy 38th!" she joyfully announces for every birthday—hers, mine, and those of my two younger sisters. When I reached 38, she humorously declared us twins.

"People age too quickly," she often says. "You’re only as old as you feel." It’s a philosophy she embodies. Even during the challenges of 2020, when we all faced unprecedented stress, my mother maintained her playful spirit despite undergoing cancer treatment.

Her appearance changed—her hair fell out and grew back as a fluffy layer of gray, reminiscent of my grandmother. Yet, she refused to act her age.

She joked with her partner, shared risqué humor, and lightened the mood with the medical staff. While she took her health seriously, she approached the situation with a carefree attitude, as if she were still 38.

Chapter 3: Redefining Late Adulthood

Our mindset holds immense power. The perceptions we foster about different ages can significantly shape our reality. If we anticipate that those who are 40 or 70 should behave in certain ways, we may unconsciously impose those limitations on ourselves.

In "Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity" by Peter Attia and Bill Gifford, I learned about Julia Hawkins, a remarkable centenarian who began running at 100 and set records in the National Senior Games. She continues to live independently in her own home.

"Older individuals need something to look forward to, a purpose, something to care about," Hawkins asserts.

Clearly, she hasn’t permitted societal expectations to constrain her potential. “As we age, it's vital to create magical moments and pursue our passions,” she emphasizes. Hawkins embodies a perspective that encourages us to broaden our understanding of what late adulthood can entail.

It’s crucial to recognize that improving our healthspan—living not just longer but healthier—can stem from our attitudes. This doesn’t imply a quest for immortality, nor does it mean that consuming specific foods guarantees longevity. Even celebrated centenarians are facing scrutiny regarding their ages.

While certain physical challenges are beyond our control—such as illness or injury—I’ve come to appreciate the importance of raising our expectations, regardless of our lifespan.

Chapter 4: Breaking Free from Self-Imposed Limits

We are remarkably skilled at confining ourselves, especially when it comes to aging. Society often conveys dismissive messages about older women.

Caroline Paul, author of "Tough Broad," discussed in an interview how women are inundated with negative stereotypes related to aging: "We’re expected to anticipate frailty, cognitive decline, and boredom." Yet research suggests that, contrary to these expectations, older individuals often experience greater happiness.

"Embracing possibilities rather than clinging to limitations can significantly enhance health—regardless of age," she states.

According to psychologist Ellen Langer, our perceptions of aging can forecast our health outcomes. In her book "Counterclockwise: A Proven Way to Think Yourself Younger and Healthier," she concludes that "opening our minds to what’s possible can lead to improved well-being—at any age."

In my 40s, I briefly accepted age-related limitations, including beliefs about education. Was higher learning solely for the young? I thought I’d missed my opportunity. Ultimately, I realized this was a false narrative I’d constructed. Last year, I returned to school to complete my training in Psychological Assessment, and upon sharing my experience, I found many readers resonated with my journey.

Reflecting on their comments, I recognized that I still held certain constraints in my mind. My readers shattered those limitations.

Chapter 5: Embracing Agelessness

So, what if we embraced my mother’s philosophy? What if we chose to remain 38 indefinitely? Not in a literal sense—merely living longer isn’t an ultimate goal (and the idea of using our children's blood for youth seems ethically questionable). However, there are numerous ways to enhance our healthspan and relish the time we have.

One approach involves shifting our perspective on aging. We can grow older and wiser while maintaining a youthful mindset. Let’s reject self-imposed limits and challenge societal beliefs about what we can or cannot accomplish.

Perhaps I’ll adopt the family tradition and routinely forget my age. Personally, I found 40 to be a more fulfilling year than 38, so if you encounter me at 79, don’t be surprised if I declare, “I’m 40 and….”

Kelly Eden has been narrating and crafting stories for over 15 years. Grab your free guides to help you do the same.