Navigating Loneliness After Leaving Your Comfort Zone
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Understanding Loneliness After Relocation
As the festive season approached, the initial thrill of moving and settling into a new apartment began to fade. The emotions I had kept at bay during the past few months began to surface. Having just relocated from Taipei to Los Angeles, I found myself alone, devoid of family or friends in this new city.
During a stroll in Marina Del Rey, I noticed a little girl joyfully laughing with her parents. The warmth of being surrounded by loved ones struck a chord deep within me. Clutching my Trader Joe’s bag, I pondered whether moving across the globe for my dreams was truly worth it.
I reassured myself that solitude was acceptable, yet witnessing others with their loved ones during this special time highlighted my isolation. To experience the affection that little girl radiated, I would need to undertake a 15-hour journey across the Pacific and spend a significant amount of money. All of this, just to feel the love I once had.
Loneliness can be described as love that has nowhere to go. Faced with this reality, I recognized two choices: shift my perspective or return “home.” The latter was not an option.
If you're grappling with loneliness, especially after stepping out of your comfort zone, here are four strategies that helped me navigate through it.
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Embrace Self-Love Like You Would for a Best Friend
It's easy to distract ourselves with Netflix to avoid uncomfortable feelings. However, this only serves as a temporary fix; the underlying issues remain. Instead, consider how you would support a close friend feeling the same way.
Imagine offering yourself the same compassion. What can you do to show love to yourself today? Acknowledge your feelings of loneliness and treat yourself with care.
Practical tip: Write down activities that rejuvenate you and are within your budget. For instance, I enjoy attending in-person yoga classes or indulging in black tea from a Taiwanese bubble tea shop. Once you have your list, schedule these activities, even if you feel undeserving. Learning to love ourselves in solitude is a gradual process. Engage in these activities with intention, knowing they benefit your mental health.
Become Friends with Loneliness
One of the most challenging aspects of loneliness is its unpredictability. It manifests differently for everyone, and recognizing your triggers can empower you to manage it better.
Rather than questioning why you find yourself swiping on dating apps again, acknowledge that you might be feeling lonely. Understanding your unique experience can prepare you for when loneliness strikes.
Practical tip: Take a moment to breathe deeply and center yourself. Reflect on these questions: Where in your body do you feel loneliness? How does it show up for you? Maybe you feel a tightness in your chest or a sudden urge to cry. If it were a color, what would it be? Developing this self-awareness gives you control over your emotions rather than being controlled by them.
Reduce Stressors
That Christmas night, scrolling through Instagram felt torturous. I was drawn into the highlight reels of others, imagining a different reality for myself. This disconnect between my desires and reality fueled feelings of jealousy and sadness, deepening my loneliness.
If I could rewind to that night, I would tell myself to reach out to loved ones with a heartfelt “Merry Christmas,” turn off my phone, and enjoy my own company.
Practical tip: Prioritize your well-being by eliminating unnecessary stressors, including the temptation of social comparison. While social media isn't inherently bad, it can cloud your mind if you’re feeling vulnerable. Instead of browsing stories, I found it more fulfilling to connect directly with friends in my messages.
Acknowledge Your Courage
When everything feels overwhelming, sometimes it’s best to simply let it go. You don’t have to feel okay all the time. Recognize the difficulty of your situation—moving to a new place is no small feat.
Understand that it’s natural to feel discomfort after such a brave leap. You should be proud of yourself for taking that step.
Practical tip: In Zen Buddhism, we practice observing our emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to sit with your feelings, recognizing them for what they are and giving them space to exist. Imagine them as clouds passing through the sky.
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