Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Doubt

Many individuals grapple with uncertainty regarding their decisions and actions. This internal conflict can lead to persistent questioning about whether they have made the right choices in various aspects of life, such as their living situation, career path, romantic relationships, and parenting approaches.

In some cases, a person may be inherently inclined to question everything they do. They might find themselves in a continuous state of indecision or periodically fall into this mindset. During these times, they may compare themselves to others, relying heavily on external opinions and societal ideals, rather than feeling a sense of internal validation.

An individual's perception of what constitutes a "correct" choice is often shaped by their childhood experiences, particularly by the age of seven. These formative years can instill beliefs about ideal jobs, partners, and family dynamics. When someone believes their worldview is the only valid one, they may attempt to impose it on those around them. However, each person has their unique interpretation of what is "ideal" or "right," leading to discrepancies in perspectives.

Why do these doubts emerge? Logically, one might think that their choices align with their understanding of what is correct. Yet, uncertainty can still creep in. This is especially true for someone who finds themselves caught in a cycle of doubt and confusion, expending considerable energy just to maintain a sense of calm. In such a state, making decisions becomes increasingly challenging, as the fear of potential consequences looms large. Instead of moving forward, individuals may find themselves paralyzed by indecision.

The roots of this uncertainty can often be traced back to childhood experiences, including a phenomenon known as gaslighting.

Gaslighting, a term derived from the British play "Gaslight," refers to a form of psychological manipulation where one person seeks to make another doubt their reality. In the play, a man attempts to convince his wife she is losing her sanity by altering their environment, leading her to question her perceptions.

As a child, gaslighting might manifest in various ways. For instance, if a child is scared of the dark and expresses this fear, an adult might dismiss their feelings, insisting that there are no monsters. This response can lead the child to doubt their own perceptions. Similarly, if a child dislikes a certain food, a parent might assert that it is delicious, causing the child to question their own taste and instincts.

Such experiences can teach children not to trust their feelings or needs, relying instead on the judgments of adults. As they grow older, these patterns can continue, with parents inadvertently conveying that their child's actions or feelings are invalid. Comments like, "You don't know how to tie your shoelaces!" can reinforce feelings of inadequacy.

Why do adults engage in this behavior? Sometimes, it stems from a desire to feel superior. By highlighting someone else's perceived weaknesses, they bolster their self-esteem.

Sadly, gaslighting can persist into adulthood. For example, an employee might overextend themselves at work, only to be told by their boss that their fatigue is unwarranted. Such dismissals can lead to further self-doubt.

In other situations, adult children may find their opinions disregarded by their parents, who insist they are misunderstanding things. This can create an environment where one begins to question their own reactions and decisions. For instance, a mother might feel undermined by her own mother’s opinions on parenting, despite having firsthand experience with her children.

If you often feel insecure or lack internal support, and if you find yourself questioning your life choices, consider seeking professional guidance. Together, we can explore your internal compass and uncover the reasons behind your self-doubt.

The first video, "Do the Right Thing - You Know When You're Doing the Right Thing", delves into recognizing when your choices align with your values and understanding the importance of self-affirmation.

The second video, "How Do I Know I'm Doing The Right Thing?", offers insights on navigating doubts and reaffirming your decisions in the face of uncertainty.