A Personal Account of Struggle

My battle with eating disorders began over a decade ago, during my middle school years. Initially, I aimed to shed a few kilograms, but as my body responded positively to weight loss, I quickly became addicted to the satisfaction of seeing the numbers drop. In just two months, my minor goal transformed into an obsession.

I found myself weighing in daily, striving to push the scale lower. My eating habits diminished, all while I attempted to convince myself and those around me that my actions were motivated by health.

This cycle morphed into alternating periods of anorexia nervosa and bulimia. During the week, I would barely consume anything, but on weekends, I would indulge excessively, often baking as a way to distract others from my struggles.

Yet, as time went on, I felt increasingly fatigued and lost interest in everything apart from food. I would spend hours sleeping, with simple tasks becoming monumental efforts. Eventually, hitting rock bottom served as my wake-up call.

By the summer between middle school and high school, I recognized that I needed to change. I started eating again, and for a while, I experienced a newfound freedom and body acceptance. However, the roots of deeper issues were sown, as my fascination with nutrition and fitness led me back to disordered habits.

For the next seven years, I oscillated between various unhealthy behaviors, primarily suffering from orthorexia—an obsession with “healthy” eating. I often restricted entire food groups, experienced binge episodes, and counted calories obsessively.

In the summer of 2019, I decided it was time to embrace healing. I began to regain trust in my body and its signals, learning to appreciate it for its functionality rather than its appearance. I now believe I am healed, although old habits occasionally resurface.

Let's explore the four pivotal steps that helped me in this healing journey.

1. Unconditional Permission to Eat

The cornerstone of healing is granting yourself unconditional permission to eat. This means allowing yourself to enjoy any food at any time without restrictions. Initially, this may lead to overwhelming cravings, but over time, your body will find balance.

It's crucial to navigate through this phase without limitations. Your body needs to learn to trust you again, and this requires experiencing a period of unrestrained eating.

2. Recognizing Your Body as an Ally

Your body is not your adversary; it is your ally. It seeks to keep you healthy and alive. To live a fulfilling life, you must learn to appreciate your body for its capabilities rather than criticize it for its appearance.

Acknowledge all that your body allows you to do, and treat it with kindness and respect.

3. Understanding Your Body Weight Setpoint

Every individual has a unique body weight range where they thrive. This setpoint is where you feel your best, and the more you try to manipulate your weight, the more your body may resist.

To achieve a healthy balance, listen to your body's signals regarding hunger and satiety.

4. Nourishing Yourself Post-Healing

After overcoming disordered eating patterns, nourishing yourself becomes a liberating experience. However, be mindful of triggers that could lead to old habits resurfacing.

Stay attuned to feelings of restriction or urges to binge—these are essential signals to heed.

The second video, "5 Steps to Begin Creating a Healthier Relationship with Food," outlines actionable steps to foster a positive connection with food and promote well-being.