Perception of My Past

Reflecting on June 20, 2022, I recognized how much I had changed in just a year. I had come to terms with the fact that my former self didn’t align with who I aspired to be. Without the unwavering support and accountability from my friends, I would have likely continued creating emotional chaos for myself and those around me.

The Journey South

That brings us to a sunny Monday on June 20, 2022. I walked into a grocery store, stocked up on ice, beer, ribs, and vegetables, then headed to South Orange County. The air was salty and dry, rich with the scents of Southern California’s desert flora, like sage and rosemary.

Upon reaching my favorite spot, a hidden gem a friend had introduced me to years ago, I felt a sense of nostalgia, even though it wasn’t my first visit.

The Trail

This time, I noticed several surfers leaving as I made my way down the sun-drenched valley filled with scorching sand. The heat radiated from the ground, compelling me to seek shade beneath the sparse plants along the dusty trail. By noon, the sun enveloped me.

With my feet burning against the hot sand, I sprinted through the winding valley until I reached the warm summer ocean. I found myself utterly alone, with no one in sight for hundreds of yards. A lifeguard stand loomed to my right, but it was empty. “Is he taking a swim?” I mused, answering myself, “I would be too.”

As I secured my leash, I noticed the wind directing the waves southward. I paddled out and caught a few small waves, feeling great in my new long john spring suit. The water droplets glistened on my sunscreen-coated arms, while the zinc on my face served as a protective mask, hoping to endure my time in the water.

A Wave of Growth

Suddenly, a sizable wave surged in the distance, prompting me to paddle towards it. As I duck dove beneath the crashing whitewater, I emerged, shaking the water from my mouth and clearing my hair from my eyes. A new wave loomed about twenty yards out.

With my hefty 6-foot-2 board, humorously dubbed a "bar of soap" by my friend, I felt the rush of the wave propel me forward. “I guess I’m going left,” I thought, leaning into the wave as it began to close out. I executed a maneuver that left me exhilarated.

Realizing that the right side of the wave was wide open, I pumped down the line, fully immersed in what I refer to as my “flow-state.” Gliding up to the lip, I slashed down the face of the wave and swept back to the top.

“OH MY GOSH!” I exclaimed internally, now about thirty yards from shore. As the wave began to dissipate, I leaned into the warm, shallow whitewater, feeling the sand beneath my feet. This wave had gifted me a profound sense of aliveness on that sunny Monday.

I had just accomplished an incredible sequence on that wave, which, in twenty seconds, embodied the essence of personal growth. I paddled back out to the same spot, continuing to catch perfect waves for the next two hours, now accompanied by a lifeguard truck that had rolled up nearby.

The Lesson

A year ago, solitude felt foreign to me. I would have experienced the sun without grasping its significance. Now, on this sunny Monday, as I surfed those beautiful waves, I found peace in my solitude. I finally understood what it meant to be alone. My reality was no longer external; I had internalized it and could now accept my own apology.

That day, that wave, my solitude, and the radiant sun revealed how far I had come. As Babe Rainbow sings, “Lose the invitation to yourself for a while.”

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Happy Days,

Max