Understanding and Acknowledging Each Other's Trauma
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Chapter 1: The Weight of Memories
For over three decades, I've cherished a ring worn on my right thumb, which I acquired back in 1993. I recall my search for a simple yet patterned design, ultimately selecting a flat silver band adorned with dolphins — my idea of perfection.
When I married twelve years ago, my husband often felt distressed when I realized I had forgotten to wear my rings, particularly missing my thumb ring. While I understood his feelings, I also recognized that the thumb ring had been part of my life long before our wedding bands entered the picture. Naturally, I would miss it first; the wedding rings felt unfamiliar and new.
Recently, I developed a minor cut on my right thumb, precisely where my ring typically sat. Anticipating that wearing it would aggravate the injury, I decided to remove it. After just a day, I felt a strong sense of loss and didn’t like leaving the ring on my nightstand, even though it was safe there. Instead, I placed it on my left thumb for safekeeping.
The experience was enlightening. I could feel the ring on my left thumb — its weight was pronounced, almost constricting. The sensation of water beneath the ring when washing my hands became bothersome, and bending my finger felt like lifting weights. None of these sensations were even noticeable when the ring was on my right thumb, though I suspect they were when I first began wearing it.
This brings me to my central point: generational amnesia.
Section 1.1: Recognizing Different Experiences
In our daily routines, we often overlook that what seems normal to us may not be for someone else. We tend to dismiss their difficulties, the frustration they feel, or the obstacles they encounter, simply because we have already navigated through similar challenges. We've faced the burdens, the limitations, and the peculiarities of our experiences, which can lead us to forget how it feels for others.
I admit I fall into this mindset more often than I’d like. When I read about a Millennial or Gen Z individual upset by their circumstances, I sometimes think, “You believe you have it tough? We had to endure nuclear bomb drills in school during the Cold War. I’m a latchkey kid; I've faced so much more than you, yet you don’t hear me complaining.”
However, just because I experienced nuclear drills in my youth doesn’t mean that those today, facing actual threats of bombing and nuclear conflict, should be expected to remain stoic or dismiss their fears. My struggles and the ways I coped do not invalidate their right to feel, react, and seek different paths for healing and understanding.
Section 1.2: Learning from Our Past
What I endured in my childhood should not set a precedent for what the younger generation must face. We should strive to offer them a better life, learning from our past to ensure they confront fresh challenges rather than those mirroring our own.
Conversely, younger generations should not downplay our experiences, viewing them as less significant simply because they did not endure them. I've seen a plethora of memes, videos, and social media posts where different generations attempt to one-up each other in terms of trauma.
Trauma isn’t a competition — you cannot outdo my experiences, just as I can only speculate on yours. Rather than trivializing each other’s struggles, we ought to foster empathy, support, and recognition, even when we don't fully grasp one another's pain.
Chapter 2: The Choice to Face Challenges
The first video, When They Keep Bringing up the Past and Won't Let it Go, explores how unresolved issues can hinder emotional healing. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and validating our trauma, encouraging healthy communication and support among generations.
The second video, The Truth About Male Sexual Abuse & Healing Trauma, delves into the often-overlooked aspects of male trauma and the healing process. It sheds light on the importance of open dialogue and understanding in overcoming shared struggles.
Ultimately, my choice to wear the ring on my left thumb, despite minor discomfort, mirrors the decisions we all make in facing our struggles. Like my thumb, we may endure irritations for the sake of familiarity and comfort, but that doesn’t negate the experience or the impact it has on us. Each person's struggle is valid, and we must cease to minimize the experiences of others.
Even if I survived watching the miniseries The Day After, depicting the aftermath of a nuclear attack, without nightmares, it doesn't lessen the significance of anyone else's trauma.
Thank you for taking the time to read my reflections. I write about various topics including nonfiction, memoir, and fiction writing tips, alongside book reviews and personal insights. My debut urban fantasy mystery novel, The Deep Space Between, is available at major retailers, with the sequel expected to publish in Fall 2022.