Chapter 1: The Catalyst for Change

At 33, I encountered a profound realization that reshaped my understanding of life. It felt as if a meteorite had struck, leaving everything in ruins.

Photo by Philip Martin on Unsplash

Certain books lack any impactful insights, while others are rich with wisdom that could inspire entire volumes. One such book is The Enchiridion, a collection of teachings recorded by Arrian of Nicomedia from Epictetus's lectures in Nicopolis.

The challenge with Epictetus's teachings is their simplicity; we often dismiss them as common knowledge. When we hear these phrases, we tend to think, “Of course, I know that. Life isn’t that straightforward.” However, that perspective is misleading. Life is simpler than we perceive; we are the ones who complicate it.

Epictetus's insight that became my healing balm was this: “It is not things that disturb people, but the judgments they form about them.” I was struck by this wisdom when my life was in chaos. The love of my life left me after seven years, my childhood friend removed me from our shared business, my mother fell ill, and I lost my grandfather, who had been like a father to me.

For some inexplicable reason, this quote lingered in my mind, much like a persistent notification on my phone, despite my attempts to ignore it. One summer day, while reflecting on this phrase, I had a breakthrough.

As I walked in the park, surrounded by joyful children and warm sunlight, I realized that despite the turmoil within me, the world outside was still beautiful. The voice of my inner self urged me to recognize that the chaos was not external; it resided solely within me. I needed to turn off those internal switches that were causing me distress.

I made a conscious decision to momentarily silence the thoughts that were weighing me down: the switch that reminded me of my ex's new relationship, the one that made me feel inadequate, and the nagging feeling of failure for living with my mother. The relief I felt was akin to removing tight shoes after a long day.

This experience led to a significant realization. If, as Epictetus suggested, it’s not the events themselves that upset us but our perceptions of them, then happiness might follow the same principle. Our emotional well-being is influenced not by external circumstances but by how we interpret them.

Consider this: every situation carries both advantages and disadvantages. The secret lies in concentrating on the positives. Drawing from my experiences, losing a partner opens the door to new relationships; getting laid off can lead to a professional reawakening; living at home can facilitate emotional healing; and honoring a loved one’s legacy can be a source of pride.

By shifting my focus to the positives, I found it easier to switch off the negativity. More importantly, I grasped a deeper truth embedded in another of Epictetus’s teachings: “Freedom begins with a clear understanding of one principle: some things are under our control, and some are not.”

This realization delineated the two types of circumstances we encounter: those we can influence and those we cannot. When things go awry in areas we can control, we must accept responsibility.

This understanding was eye-opening. My relationship faltered due to my lack of communication and empathy. My friend’s dismissal stemmed from my failure to contribute effectively to our business. My strained relationship with my mother was a result of my past selfishness. I regretted not spending more time with my grandfather before his passing.

In summary, I recognized that I had played a significant role in the adversities I faced. This revelation liberated me from a victim mentality and the accompanying pain.

I could elaborate on numerous lessons imparted by Epictetus, but as I noted earlier, I could fill a book with these insights!

A virtual hug,

AG

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Chapter 2: Embracing Stoic Wisdom

The teachings of Epictetus have profoundly impacted my life, guiding me through challenges and helping me cultivate resilience.

In this video titled "Be a Loser if Need Be | The Philosophy of Epictetus," the speaker explores how embracing failure can lead to personal growth and understanding.

The second video, "Philosophy For Breakups | STOICISM," delves into how Stoic principles can help navigate the emotional turmoil of breakups and foster resilience.