Chapter 1: The Pursuit of a Good Life

Throughout our lives, we all confront the question of what we truly desire.

At one point, I was under the impression that life would be uncomplicated and fulfilling. What does a fulfilling life mean to me? It's about having a reasonable income, a cozy home, and a partner who is neither exceptionally attractive nor unappealing. I envisioned sharing my life with loved ones and cherishing every moment.

I never aspired to amass great wealth, power, or social status. To be candid, I wasn't even sure if I desired this life at all, but it was the one I found myself living. I held no expectations, believing that with hard work, I could attain my goals.

However, the irony is that life often doesn’t align with our wishes. Many desires are not truly our own; they are borrowed from the influences around us and cannot be considered genuine aspirations.

Ultimately, we often find ourselves with things we never wanted. Still, I learned to embrace whatever life presented. I trust that what comes my way is meant for me for a reason.

Reflecting on my dreams, I sometimes question why I had them initially. I once dreamed of making a difference in the world, a sentiment common to many teenagers who perceive the numerous injustices around them.

I felt that everyone was misguided: women lacked freedom, educators were ineffective, and the government misused its authority.

These thoughts stemmed from school assignments that highlighted issues like child labor and the importance of education for girls. Such reflections ignited my desire to effect positive change, prompting me to identify real-world problems caused by human actions.

Over time, I recognized that these problems often arise from people misusing their rights and harming each other. Now, I don’t yearn to change the world anymore; instead, I wish to focus on my original ambitions. I’ve come to understand that as people age, they tend to lose their empathy, becoming self-absorbed and often placing blame on others.

Why is this the case?

Some individuals manipulate others using various tactics, and yes, the world indeed has its share of issues. However, the nature of these problems is complex.

While there are indeed challenges, many individuals who ascend to positions of power often exploit society. It's ironic, yet true, that those with malicious intentions frequently dominate the landscape because they collaborate effectively. In contrast, well-meaning individuals often become consumed by their own goodness, leading to weakness.

Not all virtuous individuals are powerless, but many wait passively for someone else to resolve their issues, rather than joining forces to tackle them collectively.

This observation is both amusing and disheartening. People tend to focus on their own needs rather than considering one another. Only those willing to sacrifice for others end up exploited.

So, why am I sharing these thoughts?

I’ve realized that attempting to change the world may be futile because, in truth, few genuinely contribute to humanity's welfare. Many simply seek their own interests, whether disguised as altruism or not.

Your choice is critical, but it’s essential to recognize that regardless of the side you take, there will always be criticism.

For those who pursue righteousness, wrongdoers appear unjust, and for the wrongdoers, the righteous seem misguided. The indifferent, meanwhile, contribute to societal decay.

Some argue that neutrality is beneficial, yet it’s not so straightforward. While remaining neutral may provide comfort, both good and bad influences will invariably affect you.

It's vital to acknowledge that every coin has two sides, and you must make a choice. Embracing neutrality often means living in a fantasy world that doesn’t exist.

This perspective seems disheartening because the world is rife with problems, and sometimes, solutions create new dilemmas.

For instance, the advocacy for women's rights has, at times, spiraled into its own set of challenges.

Why am I articulating all this? Simply to express my longing for a straightforward life.

Lately, I’ve struggled to find inspiration for writing. After a prolonged hiatus, I feel disconnected from my own thoughts, as if I’m unable to articulate what’s on my mind.

Reading has become a chore, and I find myself avoiding topics I once enjoyed. Occasionally, I feel as though artificial intelligence outshines my own writing skills.

We all go through phases, and I remain hopeful that this period of stagnation will soon pass, allowing me to produce work that I can be proud of.

Upon revisiting my earlier pieces, I notice my former enthusiasm for writing. I used to constantly brainstorm ideas, but now I often wish to bypass the process entirely, even fantasizing about skipping life itself.

Despite my reluctance to write, a part of me still cherishes it deeply. Writing serves as a powerful tool for expressing emotions, liberating oneself from mental constraints, and alleviating sadness.

My aspiration to change the world persists, and I continue to pursue that dream, never willing to let it fade.

Why?

Because I am resilient, albeit lacking in self-regard. I often view myself as lazy, which paradoxically protects me from unnecessary troubles.

Yet, aging is an inevitable reality I cannot escape. I find myself reflecting on the past when laziness was less of an option and more of a permanent state.

There are many things I never sought in life, yet they found their way to me.

What are these things, you ask?

Bad habits, perhaps?

I once believed that the world would improve with technological advancements, yet with the rise of AI and other innovations, things appear to be spiraling out of control.

These are just a few thoughts I have for today. Recently, my health has taken a toll, but I aim to overcome this and share my experiences with you all.

So, I’ll wrap up for now. It’s been a productive day working on my startup and focusing on my well-being.

Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for more insights.