Chapter 1: The Awakening of Failure

Experiencing failure can serve as a profound catalyst for change. I distinctly remember a challenging moment during my graduate studies when I received a dismal score in a crucial testing course—well below 50 points.

Panic set in; in graduate school, a failing grade can jeopardize your enrollment. That low mark rattled me to my core, fueling my determination to improve. After retaking the exam and passing, I eventually excelled in subsequent tests, scoring over 90%.

I recount this experience not as a singular event, but as a common theme: failure can inspire individuals to strive for better outcomes. By the end of that term, my grades reflected my hard work, and the initial dread of failure faded. However, the anxiety and urgency to improve marked just one of many pivotal moments in my life.

This experience parallels the distress couples often feel when they perceive themselves as failing in marriage therapy. It raises a crucial question: Can one genuinely fail at marriage therapy? While therapists often assert that "there’s no such thing as failing at marriage therapy," the reality can be different.

I've observed some partners inadvertently undermine their therapy sessions. They might withhold honesty, neglect their assignments, or disrupt the process in various ways. It’s nearly impossible to fail at something you haven’t genuinely committed to. These individuals often find creative methods to resist meaningful change.

People frequently express sentiments like, “Marriage therapy didn’t help us,” or “It was ineffective.” Blaming the therapy is an easier route than confronting personal involvement—like skipping homework, avoiding serious discussions, or resisting marriage goals.

Perhaps you’ve even found ways to sabotage your own sessions. Maybe you escalated an argument just as a crucial topic was about to arise.

Creating a crisis distracts from the underlying issues in your relationship. I’ve seen couples who would pre-agree on discussion topics, sticking to a script for their sessions. For these couples, a "successful" session meant avoiding confrontation rather than tackling their relationship challenges head-on.

Unfortunately, those couples often ended their therapy on negative terms, achieving their goal of avoidance. Marriage therapists encourage clients to halt self-sabotage to promote constructive change.

When the moment arrives for you and your partner to earnestly address your marriage, what steps will you take? Avoiding therapy and later claiming it ‘failed’ might soothe your conscience, but it won’t enhance your relationship or encourage authentic dialogue.

In instances of infidelity, it's crucial to face the reality of the situation and initiate necessary changes. Reflect on how well your current approach is serving you.

Are you genuinely connecting with your spouse?

Can you collaborate to solve issues together?

If you’re prepared to recommit and explore the possibilities anew, I currently have availability for telephone counseling. A few sessions might be all it takes to navigate through the challenges.

Instead of concluding that ‘it won’t work,’ consider approaching counseling with an open heart and a readiness to adapt this time around.

If you're interested, please reach out via email at [email protected] to inquire about scheduling and rates. This could be the pivotal moment for enhancing your marriage, all from the comfort of your own space.

Jeff brings over 40 years of experience as a therapist. His renowned counseling methodology harmoniously blends Biblical principles with modern neuropsychological techniques, offering clients a distinct and comprehensive route to healing.

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Section 1.1: The Impact of Setbacks in Therapy

Chapter 2: Embracing Change in Marriage Therapy

In this video, we explore strategies for couples where only one partner is committed to saving the marriage. Understand how to navigate these challenges effectively.

The second video addresses how to save a failing marriage, offering practical advice and insights to strengthen your relationship.