I have taken a significant break from my computer recently, and I appreciate everyone who has stood by me during this challenging period. It has truly been an incredible journey, and stepping away from writing was essential due to the overwhelming stress I was experiencing. Now, I’m ready to dive back into it.

As some of you might know, I recently relocated across the country to a new home in Michigan that we purchased for $36,000. This decision stemmed from our inability to keep up with the rising costs in Colorado, which made it one of the toughest choices I've ever faced, especially since my son is still living with his biological father there.

The cost of living in our hometown had skyrocketed, and the area was becoming increasingly congested. Traffic became a serious hazard, with three car thefts and two break-ins affecting us. My sister also fell victim to a car break-in during her visit last year.

Our new house isn’t flawless, but it’s ours, and we own it outright—something I never thought would happen if we had remained in Colorado.

To fill you in on my past couple of months: I spent over a month and a half living with my sister in Michigan while waiting for our house to become move-in ready. This was quite challenging as I often felt like I was overstaying my welcome, despite my sister's kind efforts to make me feel at home.

My sister's husband worked diligently in his spare time to make our new house livable. He tackled several plumbing leaks while I felt somewhat useless, merely standing by, unsure how to assist. Ultimately, I decided to compensate him $400 for his efforts, although he truly deserved much more.

As for my son, he didn’t react well to the news of our move. He might be coming to terms with it now, but his feelings remain conflicted. He rarely visits, although he appreciates that he could do so at any moment.

Our communication has diminished, likely typical teenage behavior, but I miss our daily conversations from when he lived with me. I hope to respect his space while nurturing our relationship to prevent estrangement.

During this transition, my husband and daughter stayed back in Colorado. My husband had to sell our business while our daughter continued her schooling. Being apart was incredibly difficult, but we managed to connect through daily FaceTime calls. Technology has been a double-edged sword for me, but it allowed us to maintain contact.

About two weeks prior to my husband’s arrival, my daughter came to Michigan, and we adopted a kitten named Tabs. This playful little tabby has quickly become a beloved part of our family.

When we finally reunited in our new home, the experience was nothing short of overwhelming. I was also running low on my medication without insurance, which added to my anxiety. Unfortunately, the situation led me back to dark thoughts and depression.

I visited the ER, where the doctor, acknowledging my recent move and lack of established care, agreed to provide me with a temporary prescription until my psychiatry appointment ten days later. I was immensely grateful, though apprehensive about the potential bill.

Now that you’re up to speed, let’s see what unfolds next.

December 9, 2021

Today marked my first day back on social media since my last entry. I spent much of it reading and reconnecting with my favorite writers. Among the articles I came across was Amy Marley’s poignant poem titled Survival Tricks, which narrates a mother’s harrowing trip to the ER with her daughter.

<h2>Survival Tricks</h2>

<h3>The Sugar Monster Awakens</h3>

<p>amymarley.medium.com</p>

I also enjoyed a humorous piece by Srini, You Should’ve Told Me You Were Really a Nun at the Halloween Party, which showcased his signature wit.

<h2>You Should’ve Told Me You Were Really a Nun at the Halloween Party</h2>

<h3>Did you think it was nun of my business to know?</h3>

<p>medium.com</p>

Today, I successfully penned three poems—dark but reflective of my current state. I plan to publish them before you read this.

The day was rather uneventful, mostly filled with cleaning, cooking, reading, and writing. Tomorrow promises more tasks around the house, which I surprisingly enjoy.

My husband has made significant progress fixing various things in our home. Owning a house requires a wealth of knowledge, and we’re committed to learning as much as we can about home maintenance. It feels rewarding to transform this space into our home.

Until tomorrow, dear friends.

December 10, 2021

I didn’t sleep well last night, but I have plenty of energy after Tara Nicole expressed interest in collaborating on a poem. If you’re not familiar with her, she’s a prominent figure in the online poetry community—authentic and courageous in her writing. I’m excited to work with her, especially as she has a book release on the horizon.

Today, I’ll be tackling some outdoor chores to help my husband after spending yesterday glued to my computer screen.

Talk soon?

December 11, 2021

I spent another day at my computer. I was deeply moved by a piece from medium writer Mary Mahoney, detailing her journey to overcome guilt from her past experiences in a cult called Children of God.

<h2>Dealing with Guilt, or How I Learned to Change my Thinking</h2>

<h3>I hurt those I love and wasted years. What next?</h3>

<p>medium.com</p>

I’m currently wide awake since I’ll be participating in an Instagram live on Monday, where I’ll share four of my poems. The nerves are real, as this will be my first experience of this kind, so I’m watching other live sessions for practice, even if it’s not the healthiest choice.

I also joined an open mic event and shared one of my poems. Though I felt awkward, it’s just part of my unique charm. I did well but need to build my comfort level.

December 12, 2021

I ended up staying awake all night again. My sister and her husband are expected to visit today, although they’ve been saying they would for over a week now. I’m hopeful they follow through.

It would be lovely to see her. While they’re here, her husband will help fix a leak in our shower/tub. We could really use his expertise.

Today is sunny, and I’m inspired to write. Tomorrow is my ninth wedding anniversary. My husband and I don’t typically celebrate such occasions, but we know our love is sufficient. The celebrations we focus on are the ones that matter to our kids.

My husband and I have known each other since we were fifteen. We had an on-and-off relationship throughout our teenage years, ultimately reuniting at 22. That was fifteen years ago, and we have a rich history together.

I was invited to join another Instagram live after being seen at the open mic. The host usually features scholars and teachers, making this an exciting opportunity for me.

My sister did stop by, and we enjoyed catching up while our husbands tackled the home repairs. We also shared a delightful dinner. Now, I plan to visit her house soon.

December 13, 2021

Today was fantastic! My Instagram live went well, and I shared five poems, offering a glimpse into my life. The interview portion was great; it was conducted by a dear online friend with whom I share many common interests. You can find the full interview here.

I also reached out to a friend who’s been struggling with alcohol after experiencing an eviction. She had been sober for years, but her recent circumstances have led her back to drinking. I wish I could help her more, and if she could leave Colorado, I’d offer her a place to stay. I want to support her, but I’m unsure how to best do so.

In a lighter note, I danced today after a long hiatus, which felt wonderful. I connected with a friend from Pakistan who has encouraged me to exercise daily and affirm my identity as a professional poet. Positive affirmations and workouts are essential for my well-being, and he’s taken on a life coach role for me. I’m grateful for his friendship.

We come from different backgrounds, and our exchanges have been enlightening. He is the middle child of five siblings, all of whom live with their parents until marriage. His sister is soon to be wed, and his parents will be searching for a suitable match for him next. He hopes to study abroad and find love on his own terms, which I wish for him as well.

Let’s see what tomorrow holds!

December 14, 2021

I missed my psychiatry appointment this morning; I slept through my alarm. They rescheduled me for another early morning on Thursday, which means I’ll likely stay up all Wednesday night to ensure I don’t miss it again.

Today, my husband and I are installing linoleum in the living room. It’s coming together beautifully, and I feel proud of our efforts in maintaining our home. Though we were advised to wait 24 hours before applying the glue, we opted not to because we needed a functional living space.

My daughter is adjusting well to her new school. She mentioned how nice everyone is, although she finds the digital processes a bit strange. Thankfully, this transition hasn’t been as tough on her as I had feared, and she seems content. We’ve tried to ensure her comfort, and I hope that’s made a difference.

Unfortunately, our dog is struggling with the transition. He used to signal when he needed to go outside, but now he’s had several accidents, including on the couch. Any tips on helping him adjust would be appreciated.

Tonight, I plan to dance again and immerse myself in writing. My confidence in my writing has waned, but with the support of friends and family, I’m determined to regain my momentum. Thank you all for your encouragement.

Today, I read a poignant personal story by ShannonMoose titled I Was Convinced My Mother was A Terrible Parent. You’ll appreciate the insights she shares about her journey through motherhood.

<h2>I Was Convinced My Mother was A Terrible Parent</h2>

<h3>Moving in with my dad changed everything</h3>

<p>medium.com</p>

I’ll leave you with this impactful piece for now. Wishing you all a pleasant evening until we connect again.

December 15, 2021

I woke up at 2 AM to the sound of my husband making music, which warms my heart. Being married to another creative soul is a true blessing.

He’s currently working on online tutorials that incorporate a song he’s developing. If you’re looking for some relaxing vibes, check out Advanced Suite’s music. I never tire of listening to it.

<h2>Advanced Suite</h2>

<h3>A unique blend of down-tempo, tripped-out techno</h3>

<p>advancedsuite.bandcamp.com</p>

I’m trying to stay awake late so that I can adjust to my early Thursday morning appointment with my psychologist. It may sound crazy, but I’m not a morning person, and an 8 AM appointment is far too early for me.

Yesterday, my daughter asked if we had jobs, curious about how we spend our days while she’s at school. It made me chuckle, as I suppose she imagines we lounge around all day.

My husband and I will continue laying down linoleum tomorrow, finishing the dining room and kitchen before carpeting the remaining areas of the house.

I also need to follow up with my therapy provider, as I haven’t received a callback for another appointment. I worry that perhaps one was scheduled without my knowledge. Regardless, I will reach out tomorrow to clarify.

Today, I read an inspiring poem by Ali titled You Woke Up This Morning. It resonated deeply with me, especially considering my struggles with mental health. Her words provided perspective during a challenging time.

<h2>You Woke Up This Morning</h2>

<h3>Place your hand over your chest. Feel your heartbeat. It’s a sign that you are alive.</h3>

<p>medium.com</p>

I’ll leave you with this beautiful piece. Here’s to another night of staying awake! Tomorrow, I’ll begin the next week’s entry. I can’t wait to share it with you.